Long Winded

I know, I know.

I promised to keep you all updated on everything that has been going down in my Life as Mrs. T~Rod. Today I am feeling way to lazy, but I have a lot on my mind, so I am going to just put it all out there. One big post. All my current thoughts and feelings that have been bottled up inside.

Firstly, I'm pregnant...again.

My belly is already feeling ginormous.

The big "D-Day" is November 26th - Thanksgiving.

Well leaving out all the extra fluff and sparkly glitter, needless to say, I was a bit surprised and shocked and nervous and scared and sad when I found out. My head was spinning in a million different directions.

I have a 14 month old BABY, how could I have another BABY so soon??

If all was right in my perfect little world, then I would have been 100% happy. Instead, I was left with 65% happy.

Don't get me wrong. I know a baby is a beautiful blessing, and I am truly honored and appreciative. It's just that this all happened at what I considered the wrong time.

My husband & I are living in a 1 bedroom apartment, with a finished basement area that we use as a 2nd bedroom. There is no way in hell that I can fit another baby in my house. It just isn't going to work.

Soooo...you are thinking now "Ummm Mrs. T~Rod, why don't you just BUY a house." Well ideally, that is the plan. That is what we were planning on doing sometime NEXT year. Repairing credit and saving money is a big "To DO" before you can get a house.

Now to fast forward to present time.

The husband & I are completely happy and excited for our new little bean. Things don't always go according to "plan" but you just have to learn to roll with the punches and go with it. Make the best out of every situation.

The "problem" or current frustration that I am running into is this whole new house dillema. We obviously need a new home. But the things that we needed to do to get a new home are still there....(fix credit, save money,etc.) Time is slowly running out and I need to get all of this done in only a few months time.

Oh, and the icing on the cake. everyone in my family is buying new houses. Like right now. My mother-in-law is moving to a beautiful single house sometime next month. My Sister-in-law is looking for a nice new home for her and her family. My brother is getting a house with his friends. My dad is moving back in with his girlfriend in her house.

House. House. House.

I am soooooo beyond happy for EVERYONE in my family and all of the great adventures and good things that they have going on in their life right now. I am thrilled for all of them and their home buying expereinces. Truly, I am.

But it's hard not to feel sad and frustrated when everyone around you is racing forward to newer and better things, and you are stuck in Pause or in Reverse.

I just feel stuck.

Stuck in a sucky living situation.

I want some thing better for my kids.

They deserve something better.

Every other day, all Andrew talks about is his "house". For Christmas he wanted to buy us a house. In school, he draws pictures of his next house. He even prays for one at church.

And I just sit here and cry.

How could I not have a house for my babies?

How do they not have their own rooms and space?

I'm just so sad right now.

This was never my "plan".

I don't even know how I got into a situation like this were I am not financially set like I want/need to be.

gah!

I'm not sure where I'm even going with this blog entry.

Maybe I just needed to write it all down and get it out.

Thanks for reading my ramblings....